Be Still in the Void
Well, its been about a month since I last posted a blog here and a lot has happened for me. Life is unfolding at the speed of light these days, every minute a new unfolding, a new challenge, lifetimes inverting, collapsing and falling apart, recalibrating and realigning and somehow finding myself again. Life feels like a continual pulling myself back together, starting anew; breathing myself back to my centre.
Wagga-Wagga - “Place of many crows”. There were crows. and a big Army base. An even bigger river, the Murrumbidgee, and lots of sprawling, regional suburbia, sub-developments, roundabouts, Bunnings, Spotlights, Aldi’s…everything was familiar, and yet…..
We left Mylor at 5.08am, myself, Eden, Levi and Buddy our 7 month old kelpie x goodness knows what, and began the day long trip. We’ve done lots of road trips me and the lads, so, now, being older, they were prepared for the arduousness of this particular trip. But the goal at the end overcame all discomfort: we get to meet a new family member, our darling baby Violet.
The trip was mostly uneventful, travelling most of the way doing around 120kmph, the last couple of hours coming upon a truck that literally lost a tyre in front of us, exploding rubber and metal going everywhere for the next 15kms, I’d often have to dodge great chunks of tyre, the semi-driver just kept on rolling on minus one of his many tyres. A learning curve for me, as I didn’t realise trucks can just keep on going even with a missing tyre.
(by the way its bloody cold here
its the 23rd of September and I doubt we’ve had a day over 22 yet. cold damp and dreary. tomorrow is looking brighter and lighter….but only to be followed by more damp and cold. so much for climate change/global warming/whatever they’re calling it now…..)*edit. 15/10 now, and its only just starting to actually warm up consistently)
We made good time arriving at Wagga Wagga at almost 4pm, NSW’s time. The first thing I had to do was go to the loo, running past the baby “Sorry” straight to the bathroom.
How can I describe meeting my Granddaughter for the first time? It’s like world’s colliding. Two souls meeting, years apart in physical years, but inexorably linked by love and blood, skin and soul. Meeting Violet, for me, was a softening and deepening into who I am, as a direct reflection of who she is. So full and yet so empty. Empty of the density of this world. So Light and delicate. Complete in who she is and how she expresses. It felt like being in the presence of true royalty. A great honour.
We walked every morning for long meanderings, her in the sling, Buddy on the lead. Through the outskirts of Wagga, and on the third morning we walked to the river which was stunning. The Murrumbidgee. Strongly flowing after much rain throughout the entire eastern sea-board of Australia for many months. Beautiful country. Dropping into the indigenous pulse and rhythm as I walked with her close to my heart.
“Here we are little one, together, after a long wait; I am your protector on all dimensions, but especially here. I’m here whenever you need me. Holding you in the presence and protection of the unseen forces, the angelic realm, to always watch over you…….” Well met Violet!
We stayed in my son and his partner, Kaelie’s Army rental property, which was really comfortable and easy. Being away from my usual surroundings and duties pushed me internally into yet another self evaluation, resulting in the split decision to start combing out all my dreadlocks.
Which was shocking and necessary all at once. A great relief as I would get to the end of each separate lock, as if I was setting my scalp free. This was about six weeks ago as I write this and my hair is still in recovery.
So, becoming a Grandma, for me, has meant letting go, and releasing a lot of beliefs and survival strategies that I no longer need. Letting go of my youth, and carrying a lighter load, in which to meet my future, into “Elder”, and all that implies.
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